we are six weeks into the semester. halfway. my first semester of divinity school is halfway over.
it’s hard to believe. six weeks? how did that happen? the days are a blur of lectures and readings and precepts, morning prayer at 7:45 am and hours spent in the library. falling into bed far too late and the alarm going off far too early. names and dates and places and concepts and terms that I’ve never heard before, tumbling over each other in my head until sometimes I forget whether I heard something in church history or in theology, in this book or in that book. we hit the ground running day one. there’s no easing into seminary. there is a stack of books and a packed syllabus.
six weeks. the drive to school is now routine. the first day, I took the wrong campus shuttle by mistake. total freshman move. but now I stand, bored-faced, at the bus stop, no longer nervous about my ability to get my from car to the divinity school. I have a regular spot in the cafe, a favorite room in the library, a regular seat in each of my lectures. walking into my apartment feels like coming home. the faces in the halls are now classmates, study group members, friends. these people – these brilliant, messy, hilarious, wonderful, beautiful, broken people – sit with me on porches and in class and around the table and in chapel services, and we laugh and joke and complain and tell stories and discuss and I no longer feel so painfully alone.
I no longer feel so painfully lost.
I still can’t give you directions around Durham and I’ve only been inside five buildings on campus. but still, this place is starting to feel familiar. and it feels right.
halfway in, and I finally feel like I am in exactly the right place.
I’m starting to belong.
the past six weeks have not been easy. there has been a lot of doubt. a lot of questions. a lot of crying. a lot of feeling alone. a lot of confusion. a lot of reading. and then more reading.
but – this is where I’m supposed to be. I questioned that the first few weeks, I’ll admit. why? why am I here? what am I doing?
I still don’t know, not really. I just know that I’m here.
and six weeks in, being here feels right.