so where?

you said that you

will never leave or forsake.

i know that.

i’ve memorized it, haven’t i?

i’ve heard it enough times.

so where the hell are you?

i’m here. i’ve been standing here,

walking circles around these same prayers,

i’m wearing holes in the carpet

and still –

nothing.

i believe that you will never leave,

never forsake,

but it’s hard to believe

in the middle of absence.

i’m getting mad.

i’m getting ready to scream and cuss and cry,

all at once,

but no,

a good girl doesn’t do those things.

she waits

and she believes.

i’m tired of waiting

and i’m not sure how long

i can keep

believing

when you keep

not showing up.

maybe if i just knew –

how far?

how long?

are you right outside the door,

or down the road,

or halfway around the world

waiting for a plane flight

that’s been delayed too many times to count?

here i am again,

wrapping you up in metaphor,

painting over it with pretty words

to hide the stark and ugly truth:

i don’t know when you’ll walk back into my heart again.

and i know –

i know, so please don’t tell me again –

that you will never leave

never forsake.

so where the hell are you?