everything seems to be a jumble tonight.
(i’m sure that’s a sentence i’ve typed before in this little space. bear with me, because this is a common occurrence in my life.)
the thoughts are brewing and shifting, and eventually will hopefully sort themselves out, and some idea will settle down deep into my soul to be lodged there. and some ideas will spill out into inked lines in a journal. and some, they do not get a chance to settle because i am all too willing to throw them onto my keyboard before they are fully grown.
hence, my jumbled thoughts.
perhaps i should learn to be patient with my words. to sort through them, let some slip through my fingers.
i don’t really edit.
perhaps i should.
but i’ve been learning, lately. learning that i am allowed to be messy. allowed to thrash about. allowed to wrestle. allowed to toss the words around, allowed to play like a child in a sandbox getting grains of sand into every. single. place.
my words are allowed to be messy.
and by words, i mean life. and faith. and all of it.
it’ll all come out in my words, anyway.
i’m learning to sit with the jumble. learning to call it beautiful. learning to speak even if i don’t have a complete sentence. learning my jagged phrases and half-formed thoughts can be shared. learning it’s okay to be in the process of still trying to grasp the truth.
i’m tired of trying to hold all the pieces together. let’s just sit in the jumble, instead, together? let’s sit in the mess. you can drop everything you’ve been trying to hold together, hold right, hold perfect. i’ll drop everything i’ve been carrying, too. we’ll sit in the midst of it, and we’ll sort through the pieces together.
you and me, together, maybe we can make some sense of it.
we can find the truth together.
come sit in the jumble with me.