pinioned feathers and swallowed hesitations.

“I swallowed my hesitations.”

//

she says it like it’s nothing.

like it should be easy.

like it ain’t no thang to just set aside fears.

but do you know how long I’ve been sitting on pause?

letting these hesitations rule every inch of me.

these chains, they don’t break easy.

//

I refuse to swallow them.

I do not want them to sit heavy in my stomach, to poison my veins.

I’ve eaten my share of fear, enough to know that it is bitter on the tongue

and bitter on the inside.

if I can do anything-

if I can make a move-

I will spit it out.

//

it’s pinioned feathers when all I want to do is fly.

(but no – even that is not accurate

I am too afraid of flying

to dream of it

all I want

is to stretch my wings)

//

I get tired, sometimes,

of the relentlessly upbeat self-help message.

I know you mean well

but it’s just not that easy.

“be brave.”

“unlock your cages.”

“don’t be afraid.”

look.

it’s just not that easy.

and sometimes, I get mad.

I want to scream at you, at all of it.

you say, make a change. change who you are. take the brave step.

how?

how?

I need a detailed to-do list.

I need instructions, I need a road map.

your advice is really cute on instagram

but let’s be honest

that “just do it” approach never helped me much.

//

do not write fear a love song, she says.

do not write fear a love song.

this, I think, I can do, maybe.

I cannot shrug the fear off my shoulders

because somehow, sometime, I think it crept

into my blood.

but I can stop writing it a love song.

 

this was written from a prompt during a story sessions write in. if you’re looking for women who know how to be fearless…they are here. “do not write fear a love song” is taken from Hannah Brencher‘s #mondaymorningbreakfastclub emails, which are the bomb dot com.

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