bigger things.

I want to take wire cutters to the fences.

I want set them on fire, to light them up, up, up, so you can’t put it out. I want to see flames licking at the edges of the dry boards that have been keeping me in here and the world out there. I want to watch them burn.

I want to yell and scream and shout.  No more. No more lies, no more second-guessing, no more doubts. No more not good enough, not skinny enough, not brave enough, not strong enough.

No more.

No more fences.

But really?

I’m more likely to light the match and then watch it burn out in my cupped hand. I’ll lean against the fence, climb up the rails to watch the sun set on the other side. I’ll skirt the borders, but I won’t even get close enough to let the barbs tear my skin.

Because the fences? They make me feel safe.

It’s safe in here. I know where I stand, at least. I know my place. I know how far my arms can reach.

But.

People have been whispering words about dreams. and keys. and burning.

and I want to grasp more than my arms can reach.

and I want the fences gone, gone, gone.

and I want out.

I want out.

and not having fences? oh, it scares me.

I’ll you I dream of wide open spaces but really, I dream of cozy places and a chair that knows my curves. The night sky makes me feel insignificant, and fields as far as the eye can see just make me feel lost. and I wonder if I’ll ever find my way out.

but I think – I think – I’d rather be wondering if I’ll find my way out than wondering what’s on the other side of the wire. I think I’d rather be feeling small than feeling trapped. I’d rather try.

I want bigger things.

and I don’t really know where to get there. I don’t know quite how to set the fences on fire, how to find myself in the wide open, how to handle it when all I want to do is rebuild the fences and lock the doors and hide.

but I know I want bigger things.

and I think the wanting? the wanting is a good place to start.

 

———

inspired by a story sessions prompt. these ladies, they whisper about wings and roar love.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “bigger things.

  1. Beautiful words. The more we see our fences and push against them the day will come when the give we find will open up to a place for us to move through. Keep going.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s