fight | five minute friday

I get tired. Tired of fighting.

(Hey, I’m gonna talk about dance for a second here, kay? Cause you may or may not this, but I’m a dance major and it’s been a huge part of my life since I was like 6 and I generally try not to write about this, because I feel like sentences that say stuff about how dancing is like breathing or something are super cliche, but you know. It’s also kinda real.)

But back to the point: you have to be a fighter, when you’re a dancer.

You have to go into that audition and fight, you have to fight for the job or the college acceptance or the part, you have to fight to be noticed and hired. There’s that, but it’s not that, not all the time.

Every single day, you have to fight. You have to walk into the studio and fight your lack of turn-out or your low extension or the fact that you’re not a natural turner. You have to fight through the pain and tired and sore. You have to fight your way, every minute you’re in the studio and many minutes when you’re outside it, to being the best dancing you that you can possibly be.

And you gotta fight hard. And maybe it’s cliche to say that you leave it all on the dance floor, but that’s how it works. And when you walk away, knowing that you’ve given every single bit of strength in your body and every single emotion running through your veins and you’ve got to get up again tomorrow and do it again, and again, you fight.

I get tired of it. Tired of the fight. Tired of feeling like I fight, so hard, for everything I want. Tired of fighting to be better, to be stronger, to be faster. Tired of fighting so hard and feeling like I’m not getting anywhere.

It’s exhausting, sometimes. Knowing you’ve given every bit of strength and feeling, still, like you’re not giving enough. Like you’re not fighting hard enough. But all you can do is walk out, knowing you’ve given every bit of strength you had, and tomorrow you get to do it again. You can do it again and you can fight a little bit harder.

——-

five minute friday is back, y’all. lisa-jo baker, one word, five minutes, and a twitter party involving fighting wombats. don’t ask. you know to want to join it, though.

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9 thoughts on “fight | five minute friday

  1. I have so much respect for anyone who can dance. I love to dance. I do not do it well. And I know so much of it is hard work so when I see the beauty that’s squeezed out of that fight, it’s so darned impressive. Slack jawed awe really. I would love to see you dance. I’m sure it would be all sorts of beauty and wonder and that the same spirit that keeps you fighting to make it better would be the one everyone sees when you leave it on the floor.

  2. I totally appreciate you and your gift of dance. I once led a praise dance team at my church. Now, I have no formal training. I would ask Holy Spirit for movement and we would have to sort of figure out what it looked like. I always desired to really be able to dance. Beautiful post!

  3. I am in awe of dancers. The beauty, the gracefulness, the way dancers are so light and controlled. I took dance for years but really didn’t have any passion. Now that I am almost 40, I crave ballet. Crave it! Anyway, thank you for this perspective of the fight behind the beauty and Dance On Sister!

  4. I love this peek into your life! My youngest daughter is a gymnast and I see how, even at the age of nine, she has to fight through discouragement and tired muscles to get the skills she wants to have. As a couch potato, I have a ton of respect for you and for her.

  5. I love this – the passion and truth of it… I love that I learned something new about you – a Dancer, really? That is so amazing – and requires so much devotion, discipline, determination… (and now the pants thing makes so much more sense too!) 😉

  6. I like to pretend I can dance…but that’s just a funny joke. (: There’s something so beautiful in the movement, the twirling and just all of it. Keep fighting. It isn’t dance for me, but I easily slipped in my own thing and it read beautifully like that, too. So kudos to you, you writer you. Good job.

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