reflect | five minute friday

It feels rusty. It feels like coming back to a place you once called home, where you curled up on the couch and wrapped blankets around your legs and let your soul settle.

This little blog space doesn’t seem to fit right. I’ve been gone, for a while. I took November off and I was silent here. If I’m going to be honest, I was silent in a lot of places. My journal didn’t see much sunlight and my God waited patiently for me to start speaking.

And now that month is over, and I’m back, and here I am, time to write again, and it feels so right but also so wrong.

Maybe I’m just out of practice. Maybe I just need to do it, to keep doing it, to pound these keys and pour the words out and over time, it’ll fit right again. The couch will recognize my body again and this blank page will look like home again.

I don’t know. I don’t know what happened, in that mad month of every day writing – when I hit publish on so many things that probably, certainly aren’t my best writing without fear – and in that month of stillness. But I’m afraid, I think.

I’m afraid that my writing won’t be good enough. That my words aren’t good enough. That my dreams, dreams that I realized and let into my heart – won’t ever be reached. That I’m not good enough to reach them.

But I guess it’s not really about that, it’s never been about that. It’s not about being good enough. It’s about me and words and questions. It’s about puzzling out my heart, myself. It’s about sentences so beautiful I want to sink into them. It’s about asking and seeking and searching. It’s about broken hearts and healing and finding.

I’ll find my way home again. I’ll keep asking and seeking and searching, and the words will come.

———————

it’s Friday, and for the first time in a while I’m joining in with Lisa-Jo Baker again for Five Minute Friday. five minutes, one word, no editing.

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5 thoughts on “reflect | five minute friday

  1. I’ve had to step away from blogging from time to time and it always seems to take me a bit until I can get back into the swing of things. I think it is a great thing to let us see what and who we really want to be in that space. hugs
    fmf friend!

  2. I, too, am trying to figure out the writing/blogging thing and am very rusty. I am in a completely different season of life than you are, but understand much of what you shared.
    Thank you for writing for FMF.
    Blessings!

  3. I always think or grapple with some idea that what i type / write isn’t good enough or sounds silly or ridiculous…but if you write about what you know, about you and what you hold dear…your love, your passion, you heart always speaks..that is what always touches people. Welcome back

  4. I’m so glad that you ‘did it anyway’… I think a break is often so needed and required of us… but I am so happy to find new words here, my friend! The purpose of the break is to refresh and retune… sometimes to revive… but never to give in to comparing or giving ear to the enemy who whispers lies. You have a gift and a passion and as you lean in – He will guide you and your lovely words and girlie – He is the Dream Maker and He planted these things in your heart… trust Him with the timing! Rest when He says to rest… but even if just for you… don’t ever stop writing! (Break out that journal sweet friend!)

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