held | day four

I hold on tightly.

I’ll squeeze the blood out of your hand if I’m getting a shot and the breath right out of your lungs if we’re saying goodbye.

And whatever it is that I think I want, I have – I hold on tight, tight, tight.

My time. My money. My future plans. My words, my emotions, myself.

I try and hold it all in my hands, cup my palms around the pieces of me that always seem to try and get away.

If I can just keep them within my grasp, if I can just hold them close – then I can handle it all. I can manage it all. I can keep it all under control.

But we’re living on borrowed time and money comes and goes and these words of mine are meant for speaking anyway, and all my emotions will slip between the cracks of my fingers if I try and clasp my hands too tightly.

So I’m learning to let go, to unclench these stubborn fists of mine. To put down the things I don’t need to be carrying and to share the rest of me. To open these palms flat to the sky and offer up all of me.

I’m learning to live with hands and heart wide open.

——————-

if you want to know more about my 31 days series, that’s right here. thanks to Kelly Mahalak for today’s word! want to give me a one-word prompt? tweet it @hannahboning or leave it in the comments. and if you feel like joining in for a five-minute free write today, drop me a link below so I can read your words!

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