I feel most lonely around people.
When I am surrounded. When there are bodies everywhere I turn, names and faces and hearts crowding in on every side. When I know the names and faces but don’t know the hearts.
When I am sitting there crying on the inside, or hurting, or yearning. Needing someone to listen, someone to help put the pieces back together – but those names and faces keep laughing and talking and hiding their hearts. When they don’t let me see their heart, and they don’t seek out mine.
That is when I feel lonely.
Not when I’m alone.
Alone is cups of tea savoured. Alone is a good book. Alone is the crunch of leaves on the sidewalk on a crisp afternoon. Alone is wrapping myself in music. Alone is dancing in my car. Alone is quiet, peace, calm, restoration.
Alone is having my heart be seen by my one and only. Alone is when I can seek my Abba. When I don’t need to wear the mask and smile when I don’t want to and gloss over what really matters deep down.
This is when I can be myself. Fully. Completely. Unashamedly.
And I pray that someday, I will never be lonely. That I can be fully and completely and unashamedly in a crowd, too. That we will share our hurts and our burdens and our joys. That when I am surrounded by names and faces, I will be surrounded by hearts too.
It’s Friday. You know what that means, right? Linking up with Lisa-Jo over here to write for five minutes, on one word, no editing. Share your words and your hearts just as they are.