let thy grace now, like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee.
I am a wanderer, Lord. I will stray away from You, time and time and time again. I will walk away from Your love, Your goodness, Your promises.
I don’t want to, Abba. I don’t want to leave Your presence, don’t want to tuck You into the back corner of my mind. Hide You in a little box on the shelf of my closet, put You away like the winter sweaters as soon as summer peeks her head out.
But without it – without the wandering – I would all too easily forget that I need You.
I can remember to love You, and trust You. To believe in You, hope in You, to have faith and strength and courage.
But I forget that I need You.
Need You in a way that is desperate, crying out from the depths of my being. Raw and real and vulnerable, my heart needs You. My soul needs You. My brokenness needs You.
I forget that I’m broken.
One would think I could remember that. Notice that. Notice that I’m walking around every day with a great big crack down the middle of my heart, put there by the harsh world. People telling me to be prettier, thinner, smarter, better. Beating again and again at my identity, taking a baseball bat to all of me until my heart dents. But eventually I don’t notice anymore, the crack just becomes part of me and I’m numb to the pain, and all that’s left is a dull ache to remind me.
That’s why I need You, Lord.
I need You because I hurt. Because I fail, because I sin. Because I am just one girl and I can’t take on this big world by mself.
I know that now. That I need You today, I need You tomorrow, I need You always.
So I’m done wandering. I’m ready for that crack to be mended and I can’t take anymore beatings to my heart.
here’s my heart, Lord, take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above.