in which I write a list

I like lists.

Maybe it’s just  my control freak, type-A, slightly OCD personality coming out, but I’m a fan of lists. Grocery lists, to-do lists, packing lists, bullet-pointed topics for a speech.

Inevitably, the grocery list exists only in my head instead of on paper, and I forget something. The to-do list doesn’t get finished and that one item without a line through it stares back at me defiantly. The packing list is neatly organized into categories of shirts and pants and socks, and yet half of my wardrobe ends up in a jumble on my bed.

But a list gives me something real, something concrete, facts. Food to buy, things to do, clothes to pack. When I feel as though my entire world is quickly spiraling out of control around me, I can look at those items – in my best handwriting, organized by bullets, lined up on the page – and know that this list is something within my control, something I can hold on to.

Last night, I wrote a list.

This list is in my journal, and is headed simply with the words “these are Truths”

(because lately the Truths have been slipping my mind, and the lies have been flooding in, and I’m left grabbing for the Truths but they escape my fingers like bars of soap in a bathtub. and I am left with only the lies to fill my mind, and if I let the lies fill my mind, I will completely lose the Truth. and the Truth is something I cannot live without)

and it goes like this:

  • Jesus loves me, in a way that is perfect and holy and intoxicating, in a way I can never understand or deserve, in a way that is beautiful.
  • Jesus paid for my life with His. Abba, my Father, bought me at the highest price. I am not worth that much, but He has made me worthy.
  • Jesus Christ is the one true and Risen Lord. He died. He endured the torment of hell, and then He defeated death. He was fighting on my behalf. He has defeated death for me.
  • Satan has no power against the Almighty God, and the Almighty God has marked me as His. Therefore – He protects me. Satan may attack, but he has no right to my life.
  • I am beautiful. The perfect God has made me to reflect His beauty, to be part of His love letter to the world, to declare His glory. He has called me beautiful, and so beautiful I am.
  • He has begun a good work in me, and He will see it through. He is making me more like Him, and He will never stop.
  • He has never left me, and He never will. He is always only waiting for me to open my head to Him and invite Him in. And He will come, because He loves me.

these are my Truths. these, I cling to.

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